St. Sebastian’s Fried Chicken

Saint Sebastian of the Fried Chickens,

Bring us the feathered peace we seek. Protect us from the plague. Don’t let our chickens be stained by Ebola, Influenza, E. Coli, or Muslims. Let us enjoy the beautiful taste of your dead muscles and skin. Like a cyclops that turns a blind eye to the moon’s obesity, we’ll cut off the babies’ beaks.

We’ll be with you in holy solemnity even after you’re gone. Thank you for sacrificing your tasty eggs in the altar of my kitchen, they make for great post-one-night-stand breakfast. Grant us wisdom! Give us Freedom! Deliver us from being literal, and bring from heavens the Kingdom of the Cock. Give us Love… and take away both the nightmares and the daymares. Where is your feast taking place? Your Holy Communion, your Eucharist? We’ll literally eat your flesh in remembrance of you.

All hail the Techno Chicken!

Sponsored by:
The What Would Techno Chicken Do Foundation